It's a Hard Knock Life

Today I feel very sad. I can’t even sleep. I feel like sitting and crying. I feel so alone in this and feel that there is no one I can reach out to at this hour. It is just about 3 am. And who would I call anyways? Who would want to listen. I am afraid to admit my weaknesses … or thorn in the side as the Apostle Paul would say … cuz I am afraid that people might not want to hang out with me if they knew how strange I really am.

However there is one who does know and does accept me just as I am. He don’t care that I am strange and damaged cuz of trauma that was beyond what my mind was able to handle. He is always there. Even when I can’t feel him … or see him ... like right now lol. He has not abandoned me. He is here when I need him and I need to remind myself of this truth more often. He knows me by name as I know him too. His name is Jesus and he is the son of the Living God!!!! The only God!!!!

Oh Lord, my God and Saviour, please reassure me of your love at this time. I really need to feel it right about now. I know that your grace is sufficient for me and that your love will carry me thru this. Please Lord help me sleep well tonight. I love you and want to but my every care into your capable hands for my hands are not strong enough to be able to hold this weight and my shoulders too are not strong enough to carry it. Help me to throw all my care upon you and to stop picking up the excess weight that I bring to you. Often I feel as though I bring you my worries and fears and then I pick it up and take it with me again when I go back to my everyday work. Help me to learn to stop doing that. Help me to also trust all my relationships into your care before I destroy them … especially those that mean the most to me. Help me to be honest especially to myself about my short comings and to allow my weakness to be made perfect in your strength. And to rely on you and not on my own understanding.

You take care of my every need … not wants necessarily … but all my needs and I am very grateful to you for this. But even so … you did say that if we abide in you and allow your word to abide in us that we can ask what we will and it will be done unto us. Lord, you know the desires of my heart. They cry out to you day and night. I pray that you will give me the desires of my heart but only if you feel that in the long run they will be for my benefit. I know that all that happens to me is not for my destruction but rather for my benefit. Help me to know this and to trust you. Help me have faith in you that you’ll only look out for my best interest. Forgive my lack of faith.

Lord you know the plans I have made for Aurora's and my next year. You know the plans you have for us. If they don’t coincide then help to blend them but to stay completely in the parameters of your will and your will alone. Help me to accept this with all my heart.
I love you Lord and thank you for all you do for me every day!!! And for all the people you have brought into my life … people like Alvina, Penny, Ruth and Ray. I ask that you bring many more good people like them into my life. Help me to always treat them with your love and kindness as to not drive them away. Help me to show them grace, mercy, understanding and to always be very willing and ready to forgive any offences done towards me.

Again I ask that you watch over Aurora and me tonight as you do every night and keep us safe. Help me to sleep and be well rested for church in the morning. Give Pastor Brian the words to speak that will minister to my heart. Help me to learn something deep and profound from his message. Let it be a tool in your hand to improve my life for my daughter and me. And be with Ray tonight too. Bless him and make him a tremendous blessing and a good witness of your love to all he meets. Help him grow in you and in your truth everyday. I love him so much Lord. Help him to be able to see that by how I treat him. Well I will head off now Lord and rest in your peaceful arms. Be with me and give me peaceful rest I pray.
Love your child Regina